I sometimes masturbate

I’m married. My wife and I have sex. But I am tired of asking her. Giving her the power. This troubles me because I need to spend my precious time thinking about it. Trying to convince her into having sex with me.

I don’t want to continue doing this. I see my life as a life with purpose. Instead, I prefer to jack off to remove the need from my soul. But you may say, this is an empty experience. You are not enjoying life. What is life enjoyment? For me it is both living in the present and not forgoing your true calling.